We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
