D3 body, D1 cock
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
