someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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