Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
