glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
