I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
