id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
