Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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