I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize