All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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