im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
