wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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