Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
