Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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