well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize