i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
