I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize