Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We are two peas in an std pod
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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