Michael Bay diarrhea
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Drake has all the answers
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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