I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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