just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
