i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
