Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
