I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
