I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
