2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
