I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
