I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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