Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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