i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
