she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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