Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
