It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
