I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
