Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
