I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
