Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
