you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
