angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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