How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
