i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Who died my cat blue again?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize