Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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