Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
