His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
