1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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