Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
