I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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