Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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