U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
