it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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