Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Mom said you looked used
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
