My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
