He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
