hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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