but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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