I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
