Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
