Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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