My liver just broke up with me...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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