i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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