i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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