i used baking grease as lip gloss
birth control should be required to get into college
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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