i think i have two assholes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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