you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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