well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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