Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
