I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think my moral compass just broke
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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