I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
