ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
