I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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