Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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