i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Enjoy the penises
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
