its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
