My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize